I needed it too.

I’m depressed. There, I said it. I feel almost no desire to actually get up and do anything today. In fact, I really haven’t done anything today except take a nap one hour after I woke up and eat grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch. Then I went back to bed. Why? Well last night the Dodgers lost the World Series in game 7 to the Houston Astros. I’m from LA, therefore, I bleed blue. Some of you might be thinking “You’re depressed because of a baseball game? Get some real problems!” Others might totally understand how I feel. Particularly if you are also from LA. But to be honest I myself am surprised by how sad I feel today. And all day I’ve been asking myself why I’m taking this so hard? Yes, I have been known to be very interested and invested in the performance of my favorite sports teams. In the 3rd grade I brought a VHS tape of a segment on Magic Johnson to my teacher and asked her to play it for the class. I have definitely gotten emotional about games before–especially when a National Title is at stake. But I am also extremely good at rationalizing my pain and sorrow away. Some of the ones I tried to use this time were:

  1. The Dodgers are a young and very talented team. They have plenty of time to win a World Series. Next year!
  2. Houston had a tough year with Hurricane Harvey. They needed this more than we did.
  3. We lost because of some bad management/coaching decisions. Not because the Astros are better than we are. (Notice my use of the word “we” as if I also play for the Dodgers.)
  4. Win or lose our team is full of really great guys. And that is something to be proud of.

Usually this works for me. But this time it didn’t. I just kept feeling depressed. And I didn’t understand why? And then I realized–its because I needed this too. Before anyone freaks out, I’m not suggesting that I needed this more than the people of Houston. I can’t possibly know just what they have and likely are still experiencing in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey. But I am a compassionate enough person to be able to imagine what it must be like to lose everything you have and become a refugee in your own city. Or live in unimagineable conditions having gone back to your home destroyed by flood waters. In fact I saw an image of a guy who had watched game 7 on his phone from his post hurricane home and the conditions were dismal. So no, I’m not taking anything away from what the people of the Houston area have been through. What I’m saying is that let’s face it–since November of last year, I think we are ALL are searching for some hope anywhere we can find it.

I guess I should mention that two days ago, something terrible happened in my own city. Two days ago, a deeply sick individual rented a truck from New Jersey and then drove it over the George Washington bridge to Manhattan where he proceeded to use the truck to end the lives of 8 people and injuring 12 others as they biked or walked along the pedestrian/bike path along the Hudson River. For those of you who are not familiar with this path–its an extremely popular one. Every day thousands of people use this path to commute to work, to go for a leisurely bike ride or walk or to go for their daily run. The path runs from downtown Manhattan all the way up to the GW bridge. I myself have ridden my bike along this path hundreds of times. Many times in the exact same location where the attack took place. In a city full of concrete and skyrise buildings it was a way for me to have some fun and get my nature fix. Riding at night with all the lights bouncing off the reflection of the Hudson River was always my favorite. It put me at peace. It allowed me to breathe. So this attack really hit home for me. And I’m a sensitive person so the thought of these innocent people dying senselessly made me very very sad. But I think what struck me the hardest was the no one really seemed to care that it had happened. Even New Yorkers seemed not to really care. They just went on with life. And I just thought, “Is this where we are as a society? That these attacks now happen so often that everyone is so desensitized to them?” It seems that they have become part of today’s norm. And doesn’t that strike anyone as odd? Wrong? Atrocious? Those were real people. They had families and friends. People who loved them. People who counted on them. People who they made laugh. And their lives were ended short. Violently. Viciously. And those were the people who died that day. What about the people who survived but were critically injured? I read today that some of the survivors had multiple limbs amputated. JESUS. People, we need to wake up. Why have we created a world where we as humans do this to one another? Does anyone care? I still do. And I guess that’s why I needed the Dodgers to win too. It’s a dark time in this nation and in the world. And maybe we just all need our team to win. Maybe next year.