I needed it too.

I’m depressed. There, I said it. I feel almost no desire to actually get up and do anything today. In fact, I really haven’t done anything today except take a nap one hour after I woke up and eat grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch. Then I went back to bed. Why? Well last night the Dodgers lost the World Series in game 7 to the Houston Astros. I’m from LA, therefore, I bleed blue. Some of you might be thinking “You’re depressed because of a baseball game? Get some real problems!” Others might totally understand how I feel. Particularly if you are also from LA. But to be honest I myself am surprised by how sad I feel today. And all day I’ve been asking myself why I’m taking this so hard? Yes, I have been known to be very interested and invested in the performance of my favorite sports teams. In the 3rd grade I brought a VHS tape of a segment on Magic Johnson to my teacher and asked her to play it for the class. I have definitely gotten emotional about games before–especially when a National Title is at stake. But I am also extremely good at rationalizing my pain and sorrow away. Some of the ones I tried to use this time were:

  1. The Dodgers are a young and very talented team. They have plenty of time to win a World Series. Next year!
  2. Houston had a tough year with Hurricane Harvey. They needed this more than we did.
  3. We lost because of some bad management/coaching decisions. Not because the Astros are better than we are. (Notice my use of the word “we” as if I also play for the Dodgers.)
  4. Win or lose our team is full of really great guys. And that is something to be proud of.

Usually this works for me. But this time it didn’t. I just kept feeling depressed. And I didn’t understand why? And then I realized–its because I needed this too. Before anyone freaks out, I’m not suggesting that I needed this more than the people of Houston. I can’t possibly know just what they have and likely are still experiencing in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey. But I am a compassionate enough person to be able to imagine what it must be like to lose everything you have and become a refugee in your own city. Or live in unimagineable conditions having gone back to your home destroyed by flood waters. In fact I saw an image of a guy who had watched game 7 on his phone from his post hurricane home and the conditions were dismal. So no, I’m not taking anything away from what the people of the Houston area have been through. What I’m saying is that let’s face it–since November of last year, I think we are ALL are searching for some hope anywhere we can find it.

I guess I should mention that two days ago, something terrible happened in my own city. Two days ago, a deeply sick individual rented a truck from New Jersey and then drove it over the George Washington bridge to Manhattan where he proceeded to use the truck to end the lives of 8 people and injuring 12 others as they biked or walked along the pedestrian/bike path along the Hudson River. For those of you who are not familiar with this path–its an extremely popular one. Every day thousands of people use this path to commute to work, to go for a leisurely bike ride or walk or to go for their daily run. The path runs from downtown Manhattan all the way up to the GW bridge. I myself have ridden my bike along this path hundreds of times. Many times in the exact same location where the attack took place. In a city full of concrete and skyrise buildings it was a way for me to have some fun and get my nature fix. Riding at night with all the lights bouncing off the reflection of the Hudson River was always my favorite. It put me at peace. It allowed me to breathe. So this attack really hit home for me. And I’m a sensitive person so the thought of these innocent people dying senselessly made me very very sad. But I think what struck me the hardest was the no one really seemed to care that it had happened. Even New Yorkers seemed not to really care. They just went on with life. And I just thought, “Is this where we are as a society? That these attacks now happen so often that everyone is so desensitized to them?” It seems that they have become part of today’s norm. And doesn’t that strike anyone as odd? Wrong? Atrocious? Those were real people. They had families and friends. People who loved them. People who counted on them. People who they made laugh. And their lives were ended short. Violently. Viciously. And those were the people who died that day. What about the people who survived but were critically injured? I read today that some of the survivors had multiple limbs amputated. JESUS. People, we need to wake up. Why have we created a world where we as humans do this to one another? Does anyone care? I still do. And I guess that’s why I needed the Dodgers to win too. It’s a dark time in this nation and in the world. And maybe we just all need our team to win. Maybe next year.

A thank you to fellow bloggers

Two things happened when I woke up this morning. I think it might be important to mention that its extremely rare for me to wake up to an alarm. Why is that important you ask? Well because when you wake up naturally when your BODY wants you to, this beautiful state occurs just before you wake where you’re not quite sleeping and you’re not quite awake. According to the Washington Post this state is called hypnagogia. And in this state you can tap into an almost universal intelligence–what I also call INTUITION. The ultimate creativity if you will. Meditation has similar effects (which I plan to write another post on because it totally deserves it). In this state I often get design ideas for my jewelry line, or insights into subjects that have been vexing me, or as in the case of this morning, another perspective all together.


So, back to this morning. In that sleep/wake state I realized that in my last post about social media (which happens to have been my first post!) I totally shit on social media by only highlighting why social media has been bad for culture and totally ignoring the ways in which its been good. And that’s not fair now is it? You will all see that I am nothing if not fair–I am a libra after all.

Yes, social media is a place for people to unfairly compare themselves and their lives to the ones they see perfectly portrayed on IG. Or for people to let their egos take over and desperately attract validation from strangers. Or spread their hateful ideologies. But it’s also a place for people to do social good should they choose to. And some people have indeed used it for this purpose. For example, because of social media, politicians and other people in positions of power get called out almost immediately when they are full of shit, lie, or just plain do something bad. And I mean, they are put on FULL blast. No escape. For instance this:

Christy Teigen trolls Donald Trump

That was a funny example but you get my point. In a way its made these types of people have to be less careless about their often abusive choices and behaviors. Ok maybe Donald Trump is a bad example since it seems nothing makes him modify his disgusting behavior. But for normal people even if they are faking being better humans, at least they are taking actions that are more positive in the world. Now imagine if EVERYONE used social media for this purpose? Collectively what impact would that have on a global scale? What if everyone used social media simply for the purposes of good rather than ego or capitalism? Which leads me to the second thing that happened when I woke up today…

As usual after allowing myself to remain in sleep/wake consciousness for a few minutes when I finally do open my eyes I pick up my phone. I suspect this might be a terrible addiction but I haven’t been able to break this habit just quite yet. And if only today, I’m glad I haven’t because I awoke to an email from WordPress telling me that a few other WordPress users have liked my first post! I was surprised that anyone had seen it yet let alone liked it. But I have to say, it felt good to see that. And it immediately made me want to go to their pages and read some of what they had to say. What I found was that everyone had some significant thoughts or experiences that they wanted to share with others. And that is exactly what I feel is largely missing from social media. In my less than 12 hours as a blogger, I already feel more of a sense of community amongst other bloggers. And that is brilliant. That is what we all need, more community.  If not in “real” life, then yeah, here will do too.

So thank you fellow bloggers and WordPress community. Truly.



This is my confession.

confessionI have a confession to make. Are you ready? I HATE SOCIAL MEDIA. There, I said it. And I mean it.

I mean, Facebook was ok at first–like a decade ago. It was fun to cyber stalk people from high school, to see who got fat or who married someone ugly. It was also a good way to casually connect with someone who you’d only met once but that you might be interested in dating. That’s how I started dating my fiance! But lately, its lost it’s luster for me. Its all super emo status updates, fake news and annoying and surprisingly voyeuristic ads–“How does Facebook know I just looked at a Free People dress from Macy’s???” Instagram seemed cool at first too. Oh wow a photo feed thats just for me and my friends? Cool! Oh wait, who are all these rando people who have hundreds of thousands of followers endlessly posting selfies of themselves driving in the car followed by inspirational quotes? What’s so special about them? Nothing. They’re called what? Influencers? Hmmm. But they bought all of their followers? That seems weird. Shit–I get so much anxiety if I post something and it doesn’t get that many likes. Does that mean that people don’t like me? Fuck. Am I not cool? How come that girl got 562 likes? That’s a shitty photo and she’s not even cute. I only got 15 likes. I feel like a loser. Damn, that couple has a perfect life. How come I don’t have that? How are they always on vacation? Are her abs really that perfect? I need to do some crunches. Are his abs really that perfect? He seems gay to me. I wonder if she knows he’s gay.



In the words of Magatu, ” I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!” Hasn’t anyone noticed the complete deterioration of society since social media has taken our attention, minds and eyeballs hostage? People don’t even seem to live their lives in person anymore. No one can have any moments without a snapchat attached to it. Often disrupting and ruining the very moment that they are trying to capture and brag about. It all seems a mindless maze of digitally enhanced photos, ginormous egos and just plain garbage. Ah yes, social media. Where shameless self promotion is rewarded and posts containing real content go ignored. What will people do when the zombie apocalypse comes and social media is destroyed? Will they know how to live in the real world anymore?

Well, I will. Starting today I am swearing off all social media for 6 months. I want to see what happens to my life without social media. Ironically, I have a feeling that my life could open up in ways that I cannot yet imagine. Or maybe I’ll lose all my friends and the world will completely move on without me leaving me in its dust. In between other writings, I will periodically provide updates here on how that’s going. Who would like to join me on this zero social media adventure??